My biggest issue in life is that I don’t know how to not attempt to plan my entire life in one night. I can’t help it seems I’m hardwired to plan. Any time something has changed or may change, I simultaneously try to plan for all possible outcomes. If it wouldn’t make me appear to have fully lost my mind, or like I am a super nerd, I would actually probably develop a flowchart Sheldon Style.
Sometimes you just can’t. You know, the times the universe didn’t get the memo regarding your elaborate life plan. It’s plan is in complete contrast to yours.
But I try in vain. I have issues just letting things unfold. Which is funny. Because if you believe astrology, as an Aquarius, I should be some sort of “free spirit” whatever that means. I am up for anything, I enjoy trying new things, I’m quirky and don’t always fit the mold. But I like planned spontaneity if such a thing exists.
Goes with the rest of my oxymoronic desires like non-fattening cheesecake, exciting and quiet life, cheap but good anything, and feeling well rested without actually resting. Maybe one day science will figure out a way around the last one.
Without sounding completely neurotic, get me tired enough and suddenly everything becomes a big life question, which becomes doubly problematic when you throw in my knowledge of psychology. Suddenly every thought I have is examined for genuineness and as a symbol for something else. Take for example a simple scenario: I have to write letters to professors, but I don’t really feel like doing it.
Normal people take this as classic procrastination, you’re tired and overworked and just want a night off. I, if tired enough, will warp it into some question of whether I am avoiding writing the emails out of fear that I will be rejected. I start asking questions like: “Am I not writing these letters because I am afraid of next year, so I’m avoiding thinking about it?” or “am I have difficulty writing these because I think I’m not good enough?”
I am somehow trying to plan for 6 different possible outcomes. Things are getting messy and confusing. If someone asked me where I would be 4 years from now, I honestly could give no answer. Which has lead me to attempt to completely reverse my game plan.
How does one go about planning for no plan?
- If anyone asks you to do something “next week” say yes, it is important to remain sociable, if they ask when tell them you will “check your schedule and get back to” them.
- When you are forced into agreeing on a date, later postpone it until further notice, on grounds that you have too much to do (since you’re not planning this will probably not be a lie).
- Create a master list of things to do when you feel the urge to plan. Procrastination is the only way, so you’ll need quite a list here.
- Buy a day timer, carry it around with you, occasionally write things down, forget to look at it for two weeks.
- Whenever someone asks you what you want to do – throw up your hands and say meh, YOLO!
- Take up a sudden faith in fate. If someone asks if you’re worried about something – tell them if it’s meant to be it’ll be. Everything happens for a reason.
- Invest in flowcharts to make decisions for you. This is a good source of information
I live in a big, beautiful, currently cold as all hell (oh yay, another oxymoron for my list!) and it’s not even December, city. Fairly soon decisions will be out of my hands. Planning will be useless until late March when I finally get all the decisions back, and have all my actual options in front of me, which may in fact be just one option. Until then – I will spend the next three weeks panicking and writing some of the best essays of my life, and then I will let it go.
And go for a run.
In the snow apparently since it just started snowing about 20 minutes ago. I am ok with this, but ask me three weeks from now and you will likely get a rant.
Also – check back next week – I have volunteered to bake for a charity bake sale – it’s gonna be a fun day tomorrow!